Cancer turned out to be one of my strangest—but best—teachers. It reminded me that time and life are God’s most precious gifts—and that we waste too much of both on things (and people) that don’t deserve them. On our very first session, my psycho-oncologist, Dr. S asked me, “If cancer doesn’t change you, what does?” That question still sits with me.
Hardships —whether illness, loss, or career upheaval—shape us. They don’t define us, but they do teach us. And the first lesson I’ve learned? Perspective.
Now, when something stresses me out, I ask myself, “Is this as bad as cancer?” If the answer is no, then it’s really not that bad at all. That little mental trick has saved me from spiralling over things I used to stress about (and as a genetically programmed worrier, I stress about a lot). But perspective isn’t just for the big, dramatic moments in life—it’s for the everyday ones, too.
An ex-boss who loved framing a career conversation with thought provoking questions asked me if I knew who the biggest killer of Allied soldiers were in World War II. (At this point, I thought this was his own preamble to killing my own career but thankfully, he was just trying to show off how smart he was). Humoring him, I was surprised to learn that the biggest killer in the Pacific War wasn’t enemy fire—it was mosquitoes. MOSQUITOES (!) Imagine surviving a war zone only to get taken out by an insect. So now, when I think about my own everyday “mosquitoes”— slow-moving traffic, misplaced food deliveries or annoying emails—I refuse to let them suck up my energy.
The energy I have now no longer matches what my old corporate job required. And that’s okay. When I found attending a quarterly forecast meeting to be more tiring than a chemo session, I knew it was no longer for me. Cancer’s second lesson was to let grace win over guilt. I needed to be comfortable with this new truth about me. Me who identified as a full-fledged career woman and defined success with a packed calendar, frequent business travel and validating C-suite feedback. The truth will set you free… but first, it’s going to punch you in the face.
Aside from the gifts of perspective and self-grace, my extraordinary teacher also taught me something else. I developed what my husband called cancer courage—the audacity to do things I wouldn’t have dared before and a sharp vigilance against anything that wastes my time or energy. I no longer feel the need to apologize for what I’ve done or ask permission for what I want to do. I embraced a survivor mindset, not a victim mentality. Because once you stop seeing yourself as powerless, you start making decisions that actually honor who you are and where you want to go.
But you obviously don’t need to get sick to have a different kind of courage. I once read that courage is like a muscle—you strengthen it with use. Mine got quite the workout… without the buff personal trainer that would at least be easy on the eyes. And like any good workout, it only gets better with consistency and practice… every day.
On our last therapy session, Dr. S reminded me that there’s a big difference between non-doing and doing nothing, and I’ve also since learned to embrace stillness without guilt. That instead of being done by experiences, we need to allow for the experiences to move through us. Those words took me time to distill until I realized that courage isn’t just about “having a go” but also in “letting go”.
We all face challenges—some life-altering, others seemingly small but still significant. Life isn’t about clinging to who we were, but embracing who we’re becoming. At the end of the day, life is too precious to live unchanged. The real question isn’t whether challenges will shape you—it’s whether you’ll have the courage to let them.
