Last week, my husband and I were excited about seeing a movie we'd both been waiting for. Then we checked the showtimes.
"Only showing is at 9pm," he said, already shaking his head.
We looked at each other. The conversation didn't even need to happen.
"No, thanks," we said in unison with a bit of a laugh.
Nine PM? By then, we've already eaten dinner, showered, completed our evening routines. We're not just winding down—we're already wound. In our pajamas and in bed.
This is our life now. And honestly? We've never been happier.
But here's what every productivity guru would say about our lifestyle: we're doing it wrong.
The Productivity Gurus Would Have a Field Day
According to the standard-issue success playbook, I should be waking at 5am, time-blocking my entire day, and attending evening networking events because "that's when deals happen."
Instead, I:
· Eat dinner before 6pm like there’s 50% off for early bird dining
· Am in bed by 9pm (and not apologizing for it)
· Sometimes answer customer emails at 6am because I woke up with energy
· Sometimes ignore work entirely at 2pm because my brain has left the building
· Have fully embraced "ladies who lunch" as a business strategy
The productivity experts would diagnose me with lack of discipline and insufficient hustle.
But I now know better: I don't have a time problem. I have an energy reality.
The Menopause Factor Nobody Talks About
Here's what happened when I hit menopause: my energy didn't gradually decline. Someone just changed the rules of physics without warning.
Things that used to cost me 1 unit of energy now cost 3. Tasks I could do "real quick" now require strategic planning and a nap. The same workout that used to energize me now requires a recovery period that would impress professional athletes.
And everyone around me is still operating on the old assumption that I have the same 24 hours as everyone else.
Technically, this is true. But a twenty-something with fully functioning estrogen isn't waking up at 3am drenched in sweat, lying awake until 5am, then finally falling back asleep at 6:30am just in time for the alarm.
The Time-Blocking Delusion
I used to be a time-blocking devotee. My corporate calendar was color-coded. Every 60-minute block had a purpose: meeting time, mentoring time, thinking time, eating time (yes, I had to block time for lunch if I wanted to make sure I could eat during the day).
Then I became a founder while navigating menopause.
Here's what time blockers don't tell you: time-blocking assumes you have consistent energy throughout the day. It assumes that if you schedule "deep work" from 2-4pm, you'll actually HAVE deep work energy from 2-4pm. It assumes your hormones respect your Google Calendar.
They do not.
Some mornings I wake up at 6am with mental clarity and energy to solve complex problems. Other mornings I struggle to remember my own husband's name. (His name is Carlos. I've been married to him for years. I get away with it by just calling him "Amore”.)
So now? I work when I have energy, not when productivity experts say I should.
The Ladies Who Lunch (And Why They Were Right All Along)
Can we talk about how "ladies who lunch" became a dismissive term for frivolous women with nothing better to do?
I'm here to witness that they had the foresight to get it right.
I LOVE a good lunch meeting. 11:30am or noon start? Perfect. I'm awake, I'm fed and most importantly, I'm pleasant.
Compare this to evening networking events or 8pm dinner meetings where I'm expected to be charming after I've used up my entire energy budget for the day. When deep inside, all I really want is to be in my pajamas reading a book about women who solve crimes in English villages or women who are determined to save the alpha werewolf by showing him what true love looks like.
The ladies who lunch figured this out decades ago. They just didn't feel the need to write a productivity book about it.
The Energy Budget (Not The Time Budget)
Think of energy like money in a bank account. Every day you have a deposit. Some days it's ₱10,000. Some days it's ₱500 and you're just grateful you managed to put on pants.
Everything costs energy. A difficult conversation: ₱1,000. Pretending to care about something you don't: ₱2,000. Evening event when you're already depleted: ₱5,000.
Here's what I learned: You can't budget time if you don't account for energy cost.
A 30-minute meeting isn't "just 30 minutes" if it requires you to be "on," involves someone who drains you, or happens at 8pm when you should be in bed.
Meanwhile, a 2-hour lunch with someone who energizes you? Might actually give you MORE energy than you started with.
The math isn't about time. It's about energy.
The Filipino Complication
This gets complicated when you're Filipino. Because in our culture, time = effort = importance.
The more time you invest in something, the more it matters. The longer you stay, the more you care.
"Grabe! I worked on that paper for 10 hours!" (Translation: I sacrificed, therefore it's valuable.)
"What? You're leaving so soon?" (You've only been at the party for 3 hours.)
"But the venue is booked until 11pm—we need to make the most out of it!" (Even though we're all exhausted and done.)
Filipinos love lingering. The actual eating takes 20 minutes. The chatting takes 2 hours. And if you try to leave after just the eating part? "Bakit? May lakad ka pa ba?" (Why? Do you have somewhere else to be?)
Yes. I have a date with my bed at 9pm.
So when I started saying "I'm leaving now" after a reasonable amount of time, or saying no to dinners that start at 8pm, the reactions were... bewilderment. Like I was breaking some unspoken rule about proper effort and commitment.
Like unspoken rules, there are unarticulated truths. And I want to finally bring one out in the open:
More time doesn't always mean more value. Sometimes it just means more exhaustion.
What You Actually Need
You don't need more hours in the day.
You need better energy—and you deserve to protect it.
So eat dinner at 5:30pm if it helps you sleep better. Say no to the 9pm movie. Work at 6am if that's when your mind is sharp. Rest at 2pm if that's when you feel depleted.
And when someone asks why you can't make the evening event, tell them the truth:
Not, "I don't have the time."
But, "I don't have the energy."
Unlike time, energy can't be stretched, optimized, or manufactured by waking up earlier. When it's gone, it's gone.
Midlife teaches us something productivity culture never did: the goal isn't to do more. It's to do what matters, when we're actually capable of doing it well.
That's not personal failure—that's wisdom. And that's exactly what our Second Spring is meant to give us.