There’s something nobody warns you about menopause and marriage: the symptoms don’t just affect you. They move into your relationship and redecorate without asking.
The irritability is real. The forgetfulness is real. The exhaustion that makes a 9pm bedtime feel not just reasonable but necessary… also real.
But here’s what I’ve learned in the middle of all of it: menopause can explain your behavior. It doesn’t automatically excuse it.
When his cologne sets you off and it will, for no logical reason -- pause before you say something you’ll spend the next three days apologizing for. Then remember: you bought him that cologne. You picked it out because you loved how it smelled on him. He’s wearing it because of you.
When you blame him for the missing housekeys that are, in fact, in your pocket -- remind yourself of the time he forgot your anniversary. You forgave him then. He’ll forgive you now. Keeping score during menopause is a losing game for everyone.
When he pushes you to do the workout you absolutely do not feel like doing, think about the time he pushed you to go for that promotion you were convinced you didn’t deserve. He saw something in you before you saw it in yourself. He’s doing the same thing now. Let him.
This is what real partnership looks like. Not the Valentine’s Day version, but the actual one. The one where someone hands you your keys without comment. The one where he doesn’t take it personally when you need the air conditioning on full blast while his hands are already cold. The one where he gives you the space to be yourself and be with your friends because he understands that the marriage is stronger when you are strong yourself.
Some husbands buy flowers on Valentine’s Day. Mine ensures I have a high protein breakfast. I will take this all day long.
Menopause will test your relationship. But it will also show you exactly what it’s made of.
You don’t need someone who never sees your worst.
You need one who sees it and stays.
And you owe him a partner who’s trying, too.